At work there have been 5 fetal demises in the past 7 weeks. Two of which have happened during the last three nights shifts (that I just finished up). There is something just 'off' about seeing these babies delivered. As if hearing that your unborn baby has passed away isn't hard enough, we then need to get these women into labor to deliver the "fetus" (given that there is risk for infection etc. etc.) the longer they wait :(
I had one of these patients a couple nights ago. The baby was born (15 weeks) and it turned out to be about (but in reality quite a bit smaller than) the size of a lemon. It could fit into the palm of my hand. And as we do with all mom's experiencing this type of loss, we give them a 'memory box' with some baby bracelets, a hat, a crib card and some photos of the baby. So here I find myself, alone in a room taking pictures of this itsy bitsy tiny baby, thinking to myself "So what was your plan here God? Why have this baby growing for 15 weeks and then take that life away? Why have it's heart start beating and then decide to pull the plug?"
I do not get it. Likely will never see the light in this situation really.....
I guess (to look on the brighter side), it's really amazing to see how we're made. Honestly, us humans are some pretty unique creatures ;) The most amazing thing about seeing such a little baby was, to me, the fact that it had bones.....itty bitty teensy tiny little bones. And detail so intricate! Kinda neat to see something that only a select few will see with their eyes in a lifetime.....So I guess there's always some good with the bad.....
Anyhow, just thoughts. I'll close with a picture. I'll never look at a lemon the same way now that I've made the reference ;)
So incredibly heart breaking. I think it is great that you acknowledge that little, precious life and are able to give a keepsake to their families. Though so small they are still incredibly loved and will be missed. I can't imagine what their mothers go through.
ReplyDeleteHope your work brings more joy in the coming weeks.
Cheryl, your post made me cry. Thanks for the reminder of how precious we are + how wonderfully we are created. Those parents are very blessed to have a nurse like you stand with them through their heartbreak, I'll bet your faith shines through - even when you can't feel it.
ReplyDeleteCheryl - reading this made me relive a lot of the moments I spent in the NICU when my niece was born. I agree with Farrah - I can't think of a better person to be there with these moms than you.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing so eloquently and honestly about these moments.
ashley
I can only imagine a little 15 week old baby... how sad.
ReplyDeleteI took care of a 25 weeker the other night... and a 550gram baby the night before that... his thighs were still skinnier than my pinky fingers... and he was alive. and breathing. and well. and so precious.