Falling Asleep

I'm on a night shift and I did not sleep very well...er....AT ALL yesterday afternoon. Hence, here I am armed with 30 grams of sugar (via 591ml of Coca Cola) at my side, chocolate-enrobed granola bar already ingested, typing away on the internet. I tried to read, but seriously...not going to succeed with that given the circumstances.

Because I'm just that bored...and tired...and because I've got the easiest assignment of all the nurses on the unit right now...I thought I'd enlighten myself (and possible readers) with a description of one of the surgeries that several of my patients (in the past week) have had...

...you be ready for this one...because this is gonna be super classy...

So. My patient had an Abdominoperineal Resection done. An Abdominoperineal Resection is a surgical operation to treat disease of the rectum or anal canal (let the classiness begin). It involves the removal of the anus, the rectum, and part of the sigmoid colon (lowest portion of bowel) along with their draining lymph nodes through incisions made in the abdomen and perineum (you are free to find out what 'perineum' is on your own...but then you'll likely figure it out if you keep reading). The end of the remaining sigmoid colon is brought out permanently as an opening on your abdomen through an appliance called a colostomy. If you are completely confused with the term 'colostomy,' let me be of assistance to you with a simple equation:

Colostomy = fecal matter collected in ziplock bag on abdomen

Yep...that about explains a colostomy.

Here's a picture...might help you to see what the surgeon's actually done inside the patient.



Remember: Anus, rectum and sigmoid colon are gone (the lowest section on diagram A)...leaving the patient with a colostomy and one more thing (you may have already guessed)...

...the person who has had this surgery ends up having their...um...'bum bum' all sewn up. Yes, for lack of a more scientific description, the person ends up with no 'bum-hole' (and the 'classiness' has reached it's full potential). All that is left on the behind region is an incision all stapled up with a dressing to hide the damage.

And for some reason, I find this extremely funny every time I get a patient with this particular surgery. I mean, NO BUM HOLE. It blows my mind!

And that folks, is the Abdominoperineal Resection...

And due to the fact that this post went downhill so quickly, this is where it will end. I hope you are more educated...hopefully not too grossed out. And hopefully very thankful that you still have your...uh...yah...

And I think that it's time for my actual break right about...now...